Davis High School PTA presented its second parent education night on February 6, with speakers Will Wallace, Karin Anderson, Stew Teal and Deb Kimokeo discussing "The Why, What, How and Where of Stressed Out Teens."  Over 100 parents and guardians attended while the speakers discussed this important topic.  The following recaps the key points of the evening.

Will Wallace on Why—Why Our Teens are Stressed

Will Wallace is a counselor at Davis High.  He talks to students all day long.  He admonished caregivers to take the stress seriously—it is very real for our teens.  He reassured, however, that most teens do a pretty good job of managing their stress.  As caregivers, we need to understand there are all kinds of kids, all kinds of stressors and many ways to respond to stress.  It is important not to "cookie cut" how we respond.

Mr. Wallace categorized stressors into 3 main types—academic/college admissions; interpersonal; and general teen angst.

He talked about the academic stresses at Davis High, where almost every class is a college preparatory class (not just the AP and Honors classes).  These are hard classes. The classes require a lot of homework.  Many students feel pressure to take as many AP classes as they can.  Generally, a student should only take an AP class if it is an area of strong interest.   Mr. Wallace talked about all the high-stakes testing and the pressure to perform on those tests—SATs, ACTs, AP tests, etc.  Students worry their scores aren't high enough to get into college.

High school classes compel a student to deal with time management issues, study skills issues and their own priorities.  They are expected to be good at all of these, plus excel in the subject matter of the classes.  This is a lot to ask of our teens.

Because there are only 24 hours in a day, often a student will manage the homework by getting less sleep.  Many teens get 6 hours of sleep, when they need 8-9 hours.  They feel compelled to keep working to respond to the pressure for good grades.  The lack of sleep exacerbates stress.

In addition to school, teens in Davis have overwhelming pressure to engage in extra-curricular activities.  This town is full of every kind of opportunity for a teen, but with the opportunity comes an expectation to engage in some or many activities.  This, too, is stressful.

Mr. Wallace talked about teen interpersonal relationships.  At high school age, they are dealing with romantic relationships as well as friendships.  It is an emotional time and the day-to-day of these relationships can be very upsetting.  

In addition, social networking sites (like MySpace and Facebook) have made it more complicated.  The minute-to-minute status of friendships can be tracked on these sites from home.  So even if your teen is not with his/her friends, there can be lots of stressful interactions going on.  

Teens are a source of social/academic pressure too.  They aren't just feeling it from parents.  Students are often comparing scores, grades, GPAs, etc.  

Karin Anderson on What—What Can We Do When Our Teens Are Stressed

Ms. Anderson teaches family and marriage and human development at Sac City College.  She also has a private practice where she runs self-esteem building and social skills plans for children.  She teaches family life and skills classes for adults and students through the City of Davis.  

Things for teens (and adults!) to do when feeling stressed:

1. Exercise.  Aerobic exercise in particular is best for relieving stress.

2. Relax.  If you can relax the mind, the body will follow.  Tense and release every muscle in the body, starting with the head and down to the toes.  If you do this, it will release a lot of tension in the body.

3. Use positive imagery.  If you visualize success, you will feel less stress about whatever is ahead.

4. Close your eyes and take a vacation.  Use your mind to go to a place that relaxes you. Stay there (in your mind) until you feel better.

5. Get enough sleep.  The body feels best when sleep patterns are predictable.  Going to sleep and waking up at the same time is best.  You can't really catch up on lost sleep.

6. Use humor.  Find a way to laugh when you are stressed.

7. Schedule fun.  Make sure you have something ahead you are looking forward to.

8. Don't over schedule.  Make sure you allow time for healthy breaks, like enjoying time with friends, pets, listening to music.  Alcohol and drugs are unsafe escapes.  

9. Eat well.  Limit junk foods.  Caffeine exacerbates stress.

10. Stop negative thinking.  If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, train yourself to flip it to a positive idea.

11. Prioritize.  Make a list of everything that needs to be done.  Don't just do the easy fun stuff and leave the hard stuff to the end.  Figure out what needs to be done first, and do that.  

12. Have some down time when you first get home.  If you let yourself relax for a bit after school (or work), you will be more productive when you do sit down to work.

13. Talk to people.  Use your friends and family for support.

And some final advice for parents and guardians of teens.  Ms. Anderson suggests creating a broad support system for your teen. Get as many adults as you can to be involved in your teen's life.  Maybe they can suggest some of the techniques above—in case your teen isn't listening to your ideas.

Stop expecting perfection.  Just ask for your teen's best effort.  Praise everything done well.

Help your teen find their thing.  Encourage them to do what makes them happy.

Listen with your mouth closed! Let them reach their own conclusions, and be non-judgmental.  

Initiate some activity with your student.  Set a date and keep it!

Stewart Teal on How—How to Know if Your Teen Needs Professional Help

Dr. Teal is a psychiatrist with a private practice in Davis for 37 years, specializing in children with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  He serves Sacramento and Yolo Counties, doing mental health assessments and medication management.  Finally, he is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at UC Davis Department of Psychiatry and has taught child psychiatry for the last 36 years.

If you think a teen may have significant depression or other mental illness, Dr. Teal recommends two websites with excellent information:

• http://www.nimh.nih.gov
  The National Institute of Mental Health maintains a website with useful information on a variety of topics.  Follow links to topics of interest.
• http://www.aacap.org
  The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry presents a website on mental health issues.  Follow links to topics of interest.

In addition, he recommends an excellent book on adolescent mental health issues:  If Your Adolescent Has Depression or Bipolar Disorder: an Essential Resource for Parents, by Dwight L. Evans.

Dr. Teal described the symptoms of several diagnosable mental illnesses that an adolescent may suffer, including depression.  Major depression is characterized by depression or irritability nearly all of the time, or losing interest in almost everything.  These feelings last for more than two weeks and are associated with other symptoms, including change in eating or sleeping habits, lack of energy, feelings of worthlessness, difficulty concentrating, or thoughts of suicide.  

Dr. Teal emphasized if you suspect depression or other mental illness, seek the advice of a mental health professional.  Mental illness is illness.  It can and should be treated.  You can get names of professionals from your doctor, friends, and clergymen.  Many adolescents needlessly suffer from depression when they could be helped.

He also recommended that you talk directly with your teen if you are concerned about suicide.  It is okay to bring it up—using the word won't cause your student to do it.  But everyone should know—if a teen has attempted suicide, they are at a much higher risk for another attempt.  There is a national suicide hotline.  Caregivers can call with questions and for advice—1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).

Deb Kimokeo on Where—Where to Go for Help

Ms. Kimokeo has been DJUSD's crisis guidance manager (now re-titled as crisis prevention and intervention manager) since 2004.  Prior to her current position, Deb was a crisis counselor and school social worker for DJUSD for 6 years.  She has 21 years of additional experience in other districts as a school psychologist and classroom educator.

Deb Kimokeo's contact information is 757-5400 ext. 133, or dkimokeo@djusd.k12.ca.us.  Deb sees DJUSD students for a variety of reasons.  She is there as a counselor and psychologist.  She doesn't deal with class changes, testing, and discipline.  She is referred kids from a variety of ways—students themselves seek her out, or refer a friend.  She also gets referrals from parents, teachers, counselors, and administrators.  Her conversations with students and parents are confidential, except she is required by law to report if a student is a danger to self, others, or being abused.

Other school resources can be used.  Every DJUSD school has a psychologist assigned.   They can help assess learning difficulties and emotional disturbances interfering with school. School Vice principals and principals are also excellent resources, as are counselors.  All of the staff love the students and are there to help.

Deb especially pleads that you contact your school if you know of school climate issues for your student.  DJUSD's goal is for every child feel welcome, safe and respected.  If not that is not happening for a student, the school needs to know.  

It can be difficult for families to find help, especially if they are new to a community or have never confronted a particular problem before.  There are resources in the county for every basic family need—food, clothing, parenting, health, housing, transportation, etc.  You can contact Deb for a referral to the right agency to help.

Also, there is a Yolo County Dept of Alcohol, Drug and Mental Health—Prevention Programs resource guide. This list of phone numbers is available from the DHS counseling office, or you can contact the Department for help at 530-406-4855.

If you are experiencing an emergency and need to call for help, call 911 from a land phone.  If you call 911 from a cell, you will first go to California Highway Patrol and then your call will be sent to the local emergency service.  If you have a cell, program in the local emergency number, and use that number:  758-3600.

Deb suggests you go to the Search Institute's website, search-institute.org.  This non-profit organization has conducted a 30-year study of families and children and developed a list of 40 developmental assets for children.  The more of these assets a child has the more healthy, caring and responsible they will be as adults.  It is a great resource for parents to review how they are helping their children develop skills for a happy and productive adulthood.  

Among the assets that Search Institute finds most important are:  family support (kids knowing their families are behind them), positive family communication, and significant adult relationships outside the family.

So, Deb recommends that you tell your children you love them everyday, especially when they have done something that displeases you.  Kids will often say they only hear from their parents when they have done something wrong. So change this.  Tell them you love them and appreciate them.  And when they have done something wrong, reinforce that you still love them.  

You can help your children by helping them develop significant adult relationships outside the family—this can be with coaches, friends, and people in your religious community.  Children need to know they are valued outside the family.  Part of this is helping to develop a caring neighborhood.  Make sure you know your neighbors and they know your kids.  Look for support in local youth groups, like scouting, religious youth groups and 4-H.

Finally, for $50 (scholarships available) you can enroll in Parent Project, a 10-week series on parenting issues run by Deb Kimokeo and Trease Petersen, Davis Police Department's Youth Intervention Specialist.  It meets Wednesday nights and the next session begins March 12, 2008.  Deb says the best part is parents meet other parents and develop support network around difficult parenting issues.